I Only Ever Needed A Reason
She got off the F Train and then pushed through the crowds rushing to board. She swam upstream, it seemed she was always swimming upstream, battling the legions as they sped to the work of their day. She didn't stop to take it all in though she well could have. It had been six years since last she had chance to step from the F Train. It had been a long cold lonely winter and as she moved through the station her mind rolled away to another place.
Where had they all gone? These people, these friends she had once considered family. There were times when they would have done anything for each other and now, now they were phantoms, phantoms living somewhere above the F Train terminus.
It was never her plan to leave them, or perhaps theirs to leave her, it was just something that happened. As if the weight of the world, the gravity of it all had pulled them apart. They had been runners together, young and bulletproof, but now they were only concepts far from the day.
There was a woosh and then the F Train was gone into the void. She climbed the stairs to the street not really knowing why or what she hoped might be up there. Each step seemed to be a step into the past, the present receding with her every movement. As she stepped onto the street the cold bit down hard and she was transported to that day at Coney Island. The waves, the solitude and the end of the line. The city looked to her as the broken down amusement park had on that day. It was grey and windy and she again thought she could hear the phantoms blowing on the gusts.
She was home and at the same time she was homesick. It was all familiar yet somehow strange and unsettling. Where were the people, the faces, the voices that had so filled that world she once had known? She made a false move to her right and then spun around and made a few tentative steps in the other direction. Where was she going and what was she looking for?
In her mind lived a world. A world that no longer existed and as she stood there frozen and freezing on that street she came to wonder if that world had in reality ever actually existed at all. Perhaps they had always been phantoms and it was only by her belief that they were given corporeal life. She turned once more to the steps and began to make her way down.
She boarded the F Train and would take it to the end of the line. To Coney Island.
Where had they all gone? These people, these friends she had once considered family. There were times when they would have done anything for each other and now, now they were phantoms, phantoms living somewhere above the F Train terminus.
It was never her plan to leave them, or perhaps theirs to leave her, it was just something that happened. As if the weight of the world, the gravity of it all had pulled them apart. They had been runners together, young and bulletproof, but now they were only concepts far from the day.
There was a woosh and then the F Train was gone into the void. She climbed the stairs to the street not really knowing why or what she hoped might be up there. Each step seemed to be a step into the past, the present receding with her every movement. As she stepped onto the street the cold bit down hard and she was transported to that day at Coney Island. The waves, the solitude and the end of the line. The city looked to her as the broken down amusement park had on that day. It was grey and windy and she again thought she could hear the phantoms blowing on the gusts.
She was home and at the same time she was homesick. It was all familiar yet somehow strange and unsettling. Where were the people, the faces, the voices that had so filled that world she once had known? She made a false move to her right and then spun around and made a few tentative steps in the other direction. Where was she going and what was she looking for?
In her mind lived a world. A world that no longer existed and as she stood there frozen and freezing on that street she came to wonder if that world had in reality ever actually existed at all. Perhaps they had always been phantoms and it was only by her belief that they were given corporeal life. She turned once more to the steps and began to make her way down.
She boarded the F Train and would take it to the end of the line. To Coney Island.
posted by sufferwords at 11:00 PM
3 Comments:
Thanks for being back...I was beginning to doubt if this blog was real or it was only by my belief that it was given digital life...
A return to form for PW
You find who you need, when you need 'em. And if we can serve that purpose in return or pay it forward, well I say that's a life well lived...
...nice, my word verification y'all can't see below is 'suffe' - I shit you not!
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